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Two-bit argosies of blood and wonder

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To everyone anxiously awaiting the new Twilight movie... [Nov. 16th, 2009|10:17 pm]
Enjoy your weirdo Mormon rape fantasy!
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(no subject) [Sep. 30th, 2009|07:37 am]
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(no subject) [Sep. 5th, 2009|12:04 pm]
[info]absinthetic's pre-sale for the Pee-Wee's Big Adventure "Amazing Larry" shirt ends Monday, and he's still a few off from meeting the minimum order before he can go to print. I realllly want one, so you fine folks should consider also getting this tee.

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Excuse the copypasta, but I think at least some of you will appreciate this. [Aug. 24th, 2009|12:14 pm]
My friend Ryan's Absinthetic store on Etsy is open for business! He's running a 2 week pre-sale, starting today and going until Monday, September 7th. If you want to order something after that, he might have shirts in your size, but he can't guarantee it. See, he has to order a minimum number of each shirt from the screenprinter (generally 24-48, depending on how many colors), so if he only gets, say, 15 orders of a certain shirt, he'll need to order the remaining 10+ on his own and he'll have to guess what sizes people will want in the future (generally Men's M and L, Women's S, M, and L). He could wait until he gets at least 24 orders of each shirt, but that could take months, and he doesn't want to make the people who ordered early to wait that long.

Long story short, please forward/repost/tweet the link along to as many people as you can, since he needs to sell as many as he can before September 7th. I'm sure you must know some people who are really into Communism, bacon, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, and H.P. Lovecraft, right? :) Also, if you order 2 or more, you can save some moolah on shipping. Each additional shirt is only an extra $1.




ETA:

Since some of you brought it to his attention in his last sale, Ryan doesn't use Gildan t-shirts anymore because they treat their workers unfairly, and Anvil shirts are not only labor-friendly, but 100% organic cotton (which explains why the cost went up a smidge since his first sale.).
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Quick survey! [Aug. 22nd, 2009|02:45 pm]
When you hear the words "schmooze", "schmoozing" or "schmoozer", what do you think? What do you think these words mean or connote?
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This fish smells punny. [Jul. 24th, 2009|02:36 pm]
Dear Livejournal,

If I were to open up a sushi bar and call it "Sushi and the Banshees", what should I call the rolls? What would be the decor?

I MUST MAKE THIS HAPPEN
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Featuring your favorite French Nazi! [Jul. 8th, 2009|03:08 pm]
I hereby declare Bonnie & Clyde by Serge Gainsbourg and Brigitte Bardot to be the sexiest song of all time.
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Going supreme on donuts: Are you game or lame? [Jul. 6th, 2009|10:42 am]
This is truly demented. Thank you Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me for warning me.



I'm fairly certain Paula Deen and friend are high as kites in this clip.
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A Dirty Joke [Jun. 29th, 2009|03:59 pm]
I'd like to open an Amish restaurant called "Dutch Oven." The slogan would be "mmm mmm... what's that smell?"
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Book burning: they do it for the LULZ. [Jun. 19th, 2009|12:38 pm]
This is my favorite story of the week! A group calling itself the "Christian Civil Liberties Union" (hyuk hyuk hyuk) is suing the city of West Bend, Wisconsin, for the "the right to publicly burn or destroy by another means" the library’s copy of Francesca Lia Block's young adult novel Baby Be-Bop. They also want the resignation of the mayor and $120,000 in damages for “allow[ing] this book to be viewed by the public," because, you know, the ghey.



That town needs an enema!
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Clove Cigarettes to be Banned [Jun. 9th, 2009|02:01 pm]
It looks like legislation that is being promoted by Philip Morris will soon ban clove cigarettes, so you drama and goth nerds will need to surrender your Sisters of Mercy tapes. Sorry!
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Feminist-friendly superheroines? [May. 20th, 2009|04:26 pm]

Are there any female action/superheroes in comics that both kick a lot of ass and aren't drawn with absurd, grotesque proportions?

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(no subject) [Apr. 25th, 2009|09:33 am]
Photographic proof that Behemoth exists.

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He's the Dick to the Dawk to the PhD [Apr. 15th, 2009|09:53 am]
This is spectacular. Apparently the jerks behind that Ben Stein Intelligent Design "documentary", Expelled, made an animated video mocking Richard Dawkins, but only wound up making him look like a total badass. There's actually some very funny and clever stuff in here.



Someone needs to make an animated gif out of Darwin raising the roof.
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Dear [Apr. 9th, 2009|11:41 am]
Dear Lazyweb: how do I convert a a PDF file (actually an image embedded in the pdf) into a jpeg so that I can edit it in Publisher?



Dear Passover matzoh: fuck you, I ate a bagel.
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(no subject) [Mar. 26th, 2009|06:47 pm]
My friend Ryan is selling a very limited run of his fun Kommie Kitsch "EVERYBODY GETS ICE CREAM" t-shirt. For CHEAP. The sale ends Monday, so place your orders NOW!

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Werner Herzog and those Icelandic elves! [Mar. 24th, 2009|03:11 pm]
Remember that post regarding Icelandic elves in which I mentioned how confoundingly difficult it was to track down the documentary Huldufólk 102? Well, I made a last-ditch attempt with our Interlibrary Loan specialist, who is amazingly good at finding the unfindable, and this is what she had to say:
Believe it or not, try Werner Herzog's website - send him an email - he was a fan of this film. Tell him that you are a fan and very interested researcher - Herzog likes unusual people so think of an interesting angle about why you want to see this film and ask him if he can help you get a copy or download to view.
So my task is to invent a narrative outlandish enough to convince Werner Herzog to supply me with this odd little film.

What the heck do I say to this known madman who once ate his own shoe?
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ARCHAEOLOGY! [Mar. 20th, 2009|03:12 pm]
FOUND!

Cleaned out my car last night and found a still-shrinkwrapped pack of Djarum clove cigarettes. It's been two years since I've smoked. Since this is clearly a relic of great value, and no doubt still smokeable, I'm going to auction this off to the highest bidder.

Shall we start the bidding at, say, $5.00? You people have no appreciation for antiquities. Fine.
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The Human Condition [Mar. 18th, 2009|01:41 pm]


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If you swapped "Jesus" with "elves", this wouldn't be surprising in the least. [Mar. 17th, 2009|01:14 pm]
This is fascinating.

Apparently a whopping 54% of the Icelandic population strongly believes that an invisible world of elves, dwarves and other hobbity things, known as huldufólk, co-exist with humans, and if you screw with their habitats, shit starts to go terribly wrong on your construction site. Consequently, the aluminum manufacturing giant Alcoa recently had to hire a government psychic before building their smelting plant:
Before Alcoa could build its smelter it had to defer to a government expert to scour the enclosed plant site and certify that no elves were on or under it. It was a delicate corporate situation, an Alcoa spokesman told me, because they had to pay hard cash to declare the site elf-free but, as he put it, “we couldn’t as a company be in a position of acknowledging the existence of hidden people.”
I personally find this charming. I wonder if elves have political advocates, or a party? Are there elf fundamentalists? Wow!

I passed up the chance to see the documentary Huldufólk 102 a few years ago at a film festival, and I've always regretted it, and it's not available on DVD these days. Drats.
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